Mr Rudd

I noticed, last night, while watching Lateline, as I’ve noticed in the past, that you have excellent ideas for the country. Just as important, you have telling comments to make about, for example, the current shambles over the AWB rorts.

But here are my two concerns:

First, like Mr Beazley, your delivery is flat. Your affect is flat. Your demeanour is strangely unchanging. I wonder if you might consider some sort of dramatical coaching, because, as is clear from the current state we’re in, in parliament, the good people of Australia just don’t vote for ideas; they vote for their weird notions of charisma. Being ratbags, like Howard & Co., seems to appeal, and I imagine it’s only because they seem to have drive and “attitude,” even though they have all those in caustic and generally obnoxious form that is mistaken for personality.

Second, you do not provide a larger context for your comments about the AWB scandal, nor other scandals such as the bald-faced lies of Howard & Co. on the attacks on Iraq – I mean, primarily, the cluster-bombing of simple Iraqis going about their everyday lives. You do not say, for example: “Howard & Co. have been lying about AWB bribes; they have been lying about lots of things; these are grave matters; they either must resign from office, or be impeached.” Or, “Howard & Co. lied about Iraq, and have been murdering civilians by the many, many thousands with heinous weapons of mass destruction; these are crimes against humanity; Howard & Co. must be removed from office and made to face war-crimes tribunals. That is how grave their offenses have been.”

Voters need to be told. Alas, as 10 years of election results show, only a minority of them are capable of thinking and analyzing these events, for themselves.

Sincerely


Response:

P...

Thanks for taking the time to bring your concerns to my attention.

Kind Regards,

Kevin

The Australian Prime Minister has called for immigrants to be tested for knowledge of English, and to embrace Australian values more uniformly.

PM John Howard:

I am writing to support your call for immigrants to assimilate to the Australia that they find upon settlement here. I am, like you, outraged by these peoples’ lack of commitment to this responsibility.

How do you like your witchetty grubs? I love em raw, but on a Barbie they’re scrummy, too.

Which are your favorite Noonga languages?

Do you prefer throwing your spear with or without woomera? I have trouble with those, so will be impressed if you’re a deft hand in huntin game. Same goes for scroungin bush tucker. Goodonya! I mean, I thought you lived in a house and had real fancy cookin-blokes.

Oh, yeah, and goodonya for what you said about Greeks, too. I grew up among em and we rubbished em and some people still don’t like the way some of em gang up in men’s only smoking clubs and make their daughters miserable with picked hubbies, but at least a lot of em only speak Greek on the sly now.

But they still don’t speak Noonga like you. Let’s make them foreigners obey other aussie values, too, like venal consumerism, smug nationalism, condescension to little foreign people and locals with dark skins, cruelty to refugees, increasing idolatry of filthy lucre, capitulation to crass commercialization, obedience to our globalist masters, thoroughgoing deception in leadership and public office, and persistent ethnocentricism after 225 years’ of opportunities to learn from 50,000 years of civilization.

Jump up, whitefella.