Dear Sky Mall,

While flying somewhere or other, a few days ago, I sought distraction from the aggravations of modern air travel (the ridiculously scrunched seating, the dry, tasteless ham buns for which they charge you, now, an appalling $8...) by turning to your SkyMall catalog. There, my eyes happened to fall on the headline: "Your toothbrush could make you sick" – and, intrigued, I read on. The reading was certainly compelling. I shuddered to learn that, as you say, "a recent study found 100 million colony-forming germs on a single, ordinary toothbrush." I almost grabbed the telephone off the back of the seat in front of me, there and then, to call you to order my Germ Terminator tootbrush sterilizer.
But, then, while browsing ahead, I suddenly became far less convinced that I should make the purchase. Why? Well, Dear SkyMall, I hesitated because I read the sentence, in your advertisement: "in another test, 42% of used toothbrushes tested positive for bacteria from feces."
Oh, please! You really must think us gullible. There is no way, in this day and age, that 42% of people would, while using their toothbrush, or at least before throwing an old, tired one away, stick it up their bottoms.

Sincerely.